


he looked in the wrong place for redemption (a sadness runs through him)

by fuckbucket (livingshitpost)



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous genetalia, Changing Tenses, Communication, Consent Issues, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional self-harm, Emotionally Repressed, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-neutral Reader, Handcuffs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kink Negotiation, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Tense, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Present Tense, Psychological Self-Harm, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, Trauma, ambiguous reader, do you have a dick? do you have a strap?, maybe you have a strapless strap ! idk, that's up to you !, whatever u wanna do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23833285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livingshitpost/pseuds/fuckbucket
Summary: One of the things Jesse loved most is tainted, now. He's lucky you're there to keep him grounded.
Relationships: CT-5597 | Jesse/Original Character(s), CT-5597 | Jesse/Reader, CT-5597 | Jesse/You
Kudos: 21





	he looked in the wrong place for redemption (a sadness runs through him)

Jesse always loved handcuffs. He always loved giving himself over to you; trusting you completely with a symbol of his freedom. He loved the way you pinned his hands above his head so easily as you rode him, kissing him open-mouthed and breathless, while he bucked his hips up into you. He loved the way you forced him down onto his elbows as you pounded into him from behind, your hands on his hips and kissing his strong shoulders. It was a matter of loyalty to him.

That's why he sets his jaw and lets you put them on him during your first night together after the siege.

"Just say beskar if you need me to stop," you tell him softly, kissing his temple. "Okay?"

Jesse nods. "Yes, sir."

You can't help smiling at the moniker. "You sure you're ready?"

"Yeah. I'm okay." He offers a smile and turns to kiss you, and you decide not to point out that it doesn't reach his eyes. The bags beneath them are dark.

You want to go easy on him, so you spread a generous helping of lube over your fingers and start to work him open, kissing his neck and shoulders the whole time.

"Ner'verd," you whisper into his skin. "Ner kotep verd'ika."

Jesse chuckles at that. He moves easily with you, falling into a duet of movement and pleasure. Eventually he's playfully grinding himself against your length.

"Come on, cyar'ika. I'm not made of glass."

You grin, kissing him again, and lean back. You put one hand on his hip, the other guiding yourself inside him. He winces a bit, biting his lip, but smiles at you as he reacquaints himself with the way you stretch his ass.

"Ah- osik. That's . . . " Jesse exhales shakily, eyes closed, as he slowly moves up and down. "Kriff."

"You okay?"

"Y-yeah." He pauses a bit to catch his breath. "Come on. Don't make me do all the work." He manages a laugh.

You put your hands on his thighs and thrust up, slow and gentle. He moans as he presses his ass flush against your pelvis. His breathing is quick. Quivering. He can't get a hold of himself.

"Jesse-"

"I-I'm fine, I-"

"You're not." You reach up to cup his cheek. "Come on. I can't stand seeing you do this to yourself." 

Jesse opens one eye to look down at you. Tears are welling up, and his chin is trembling. His expression is a mixture of determination and anguish and he can't conceal the fear in his gaze, and it makes your heart hurt.

"I wanted- I- I just-" He scoffs at himself. "Wanted to make you feel good."

"Jesse," you breathe as you pull out. You sigh and glance down at the cuffs on his wrists. "Let's get these off you, ner'manda. Breathe with me, okay? Deep breaths. In and out. There we go."

Jesse sniffles as you unlock the cuffs and set them aside. He rolls off of you and lays down at your side, one arm under his head and the other draped across your chest. "Sorry," he murmurs. "Ruined the moment." He forces a laugh, but there's no smile on his face. He's still shaking.

"It's fine, Jesse. You are so, so much more important to me than sex." You turn your head to face him. "I mean that. I don't want you to torture yourself to try to make me happy, okay? Just seeing you happy and safe is enough to do that for me."

Jesse lets out a shuddering sigh, but when he looks up at you, there's a real, if sad, smile on his face. "I love you so karking much."

"I love you too." You wriggle one arm under him and hold him close to your side, his head resting on your shoulder.

"I still want to have sex, though," he says after a moment of quiet. "Just, maybe without the cuffs."

You snort and kiss the top of his head. "Alright. That sounds fair."


End file.
